Pay-to-Stay: Trump Tryna Sell Citizenship Like a Luxury Handbag
—Trump out here tryna sell “gold cards” for $5 mil a pop, basically lettin’ rich folks buy they way into the U.S. with a green card and a fast track to citizenship. He talkin’ ‘bout he gon’ sell a million of ‘em and use that bread to wipe out the national debt.
“It’s like a green card, but fancier,” he said, sittin’ up in the Oval Office flexin’ the plan to reporters. “We talkin’ about rich folks, talented folks—people who got money and gon’ spend money.”
Basically, if you got the bag, you in.
Trump said the plan already got the legal stamp of approval and gon’ be rollin’ out in like two weeks. Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick was right there co-signin’, sayin’ this gon’ replace that EB-5 visa thing, which already let rich investors buy they way in but with more hoops to jump through.
“Instead of that messy EB-5 program, we just gon’ cut the fluff and run the Trump Gold Card,” Lutnick said. “$5 mil straight to the government, vetting process, make sure they solid citizens. Boom, done.”
Trump name-dropped everybody from Russian oligarchs to Indian tech bros as potential buyers. He even said big companies like Apple could cop these for their top employees.
“For folks top of their class at big-name schools? Yeah, they can get in. But mostly, we lookin’ at people with money who create jobs,” Trump said. “They won’t pay U.S. taxes on money they make outside the country, but if they do business here, they gotta pay up like everybody else.”
Then he start crunchin’ numbers like a street hustler pitchin’ a get-rich-quick scheme:
“If we sell a million of these? That’s $5 trillion. Sell 10 million? That’s $50 trillion. We in $35 trillion of debt. That’d be nice, so we’ll see.”
And when somebody asked if Russian oligarchs could get in on this, he hit ‘em with a smooth, “Yeah, possibly.”
Bruh.
He really tryna turn U.S. citizenship into a high-end VIP pass. No struggle, no process—just cash up front and you in. Guess America officially got a price tag now.
